After the Honeymoon: How Conflict Can Improve Your by Daniel B. Wile

By Daniel B. Wile

After the honeymoon. The very phrases hold a burden of unhappiness, as though for a short time we lived in a golden trance of affection, and now we’ve been jolted unsleeping. instantly comes the idea, “Oh no! is that this the individual I’m presupposed to spend the remainder of my lifestyles with?” whilst picking out a accomplice, we're deciding on, in addition to that individual, a specific set of difficulties that we are going to be grappling with for the following ten, twenty, or maybe fifty years. Dan Wile indicates tips on how to make the most of the inevitable difficulties that happen in a dating to deepen the feel of connection. almost all these difficulties end result from emotions we're not able to specific and conversations we're not able to have. We develop into indignant simply because we're not able to confide feeling harm. We develop into shielding simply because we're not able to confide feeling threatened. We develop into uncompromising a result of hidden compromises we're already making. Exposing those undercurrents can flip fights into intimate conversations.

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Extra resources for After the Honeymoon: How Conflict Can Improve Your Relationship (Revised Edition)

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He had not done so but when he found his wife finally doing it herself he accused her o f tryin g to be a man. The apparent simplicity of the anecdote belied the family’s intense anxiety which lay quite close to the surface but could not be expressed directly. John later came for individual therapy and poured out his dis­ like and contempt for his father - feelings which had not been expressed in the family sessions. A major element in this hostility seemed to lie in his feelings that his father looked effeminate.

This family had separated, re-grouped and separated again. Dan, the oldest of the three siblings, was eleven when his parents parted. His mother began livin g with an older man o f whom the children, especially Dan, became very fond. At the same time, being the oldest, Dan was in some sense expected to be the strongest o f the three child­ ren and a support to the other two - losing in the process a reli­ able support for himself, in that both his parents were preoccupied with forming their new relationships.

Its limitations, indications and contraindications clearly need clarifying. Each school's unique contribution values elucida­ tion and consideration. However, it is hoped that the future will also see more cross-fertilization o f ideas and concepts, for all these developments can only lead, ultimately, to increased efficacy o f intervention in families, and to greater sophistication in theories of family functioning. ♦This issue is addressed in Chapter 3, below (e d s ). tThe reader will recognize that this view relates to a different set o f values than those implied elsewhere in this book (e d s ).

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